Keeping "that heart" in a Vogue world

This month, there has been a huge controversy over a Vogue Magazine article in which one editor puts her young daughter on a strict year-long diet. Some applaud her for tackling the childhood obesity epidemic and understanding the very real social and physical ramifications of being overweight from a young age. Others lambast her for projecting her own self-loathing onto her daughter and essentially forcing her into an eating disorder. It's definitely complicated, but I think as much as you would want to shield your children from the health difficulties of being overweight, shame is certainly not the right approach.

I shudder to think that this precious little girl now understands her mother's love and approval as conditional upon her appearance. But it dawned on me (if you're a parent this may make you laugh) how hard it is to raise kids. You want to give them the best, equip them for success, even push them to overcome laziness and mediocrity. You also want to provide a foundation of love comfort, healthy self-image, and spiritual security. This is a delicate balance.

Last weekend, on a lazy Sunday morning I came across the wonderful movie Spanglish, which also deals with the perils of parenting--especially cross culturally. There's a beautiful scene where Flor, the lovely Spanish-speaking nanny/housecleaner, and John, the bourgeois chef/father are sitting on the beach talking about their daughters going to a private school. John's daughter Bernice is a slightly overweight, awkward girl, with braces and crazy hair. She is also funny and kind and generous of heart. She'll surely get teased or ostracized at this prep school. This is agonizing decision-- to send one's child into an environment that will likely tease or even terrify but provide the best preparation for a life of success or seek to protect the innocence and character of the child at the risk of limiting their possible ambitions?

But, I love how the conversation goes, and the beautiful wisdom of Flor:

FLOR

You know about Cristina and your

great school?

JOHN

Oh, it's happened. Is it driving

you nuts?

FLOR

Yes, nuts. I have no idea what to

do. Such an important thing.

JOHN

Yeah.

FLOR

It's a good school?

JOHN

Tops. It's tops.

FLOR

So you like it?

JOHN

No. I hate the damn school. But

that's because they keep sending my

daughter home anxiety-ridden,

mostly over geometry..I mean you

"get" Bernice..In a decent world

her school should let her know how

great she is, right?

FLOR

Very right.

JOHN

So, don't ask me..I'm worried about

my own kid there.

FLOR

You don't have to worry about

Bernice. Nothing is going to change

that heart.

"Nothing is going to change that heart."

In a world where looks seem like everything and parents want to push their children to the peaks of material and social success, the heart really is what matters. Kindness and compassion. Wisdom and gentleness. These will always win the day.

In the meantime, though, I'll just be praying for boys.

(image unknown!)

I mean, how cute is he!?!